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Monday, June 18, 2012

Knitting Knight, A Continuing Adventure

Cast of Characters (names have been changed to protect the guilty):
The Red Head, aka Red.
June who was born in April, also a red head.
Critter Lady, not a red head, but would be if you asked nicely
The Stripper Chick who takes 1s from...
The Homecoming Queen who tells stories about Malanga
Malanga, don't know why auto spell did that, but it stuck.
Screw-up, the knitter guy.
And me, the Cranky Shop Girl

The following story is true, kinda.

I had the idea of writing the Friday night knitting group's hysterical exchange as a play in 3 acts.  But, as time went on and the memory of the evening began to fade, it became a most difficult proposition.  Trust me when I say that the group is finally coming out of the shy closet and morphing into a raucous, fun, laughter imbued evening.

Last Friday we had 2 guests, hopefully new members, that added so much to the group.  They are named above as Malanga and Homecoming Queen.  Malanga is just hysterical!  It seems that every word that comes from her mouth makes people laugh!  She went to a bible college and has a degree in Biblical Studies.  She is sweet, kind, funny and creative.  She is also easily embarrassed and slightly inhibited about discussing certain things openly.  (i.e. anatomy and sexuality)  But, the process of discussing these things becomes a stand-up routine on its own.

Homecoming Queen feels no guilt about pushing those buttons and getting Malanga to stammer, blush, and stumble over her explanations of the human condition.  You would have to be there to truly understand this phenomenon.

Red has almost no inhibitions and the word  "vagina" was spoken often with gusto and zeal.  The "Vagina Monologues" as recommended reading to Malanga.  "Vagina" as a political issue.  "Vagina" as a knitting project.. 

June, a diminutive knitting giant, is the best at bringing out the quirky, hidden aspects of both Red's and Critter Lady's personalities, but sharing their latest disclosures at the knitting group they all attend the previous evening.  By diminutive, I mean in stature, by giant, I mean nothing is too challenging for this woman to put on her needles.

And, Critter Lady!  She knits/crochets the most adorable little toys on the face of the planet.  She has made bears that will fit in the palm of your hand with room to spare.  She has made bats and gargoyles and squished mice...yes, squished, flattened, with their little tongues hanging from their bloody mouths, mice.  This particular evening she presented a brown bear with a large head, sporting a scarf.  He has now been given the dubious title of "Shop Mascot". 
Critter Lady is the original knitting group member.  I met her the first week the shop opened when she came in looking for "Godzilla tummy yarn".  Huh?  Yes, a lizardly green to make the tummy of her current knitting project, Godzilla.  The group just isn't complete without our Critter Lady.

Stripper Girl is an immigrant from a now deceased knitting group.  She is the lone survivor and I am so glad she made the journey to this group.  Her entrance was instrumental in bring about the current level of hilarity.
It began the first night she attended when she paid for her purchase with "stripper money" - all one dollar bills.  The following Friday, she began to explain how she came across her bank roll.  It had something to do with a boy at her door.  We still don't really know the whole story because we won't let her finish it.

Also, on this particular evening we had Screw-up, the knitter guy, who was visiting us from his home in the Denver area.  I am not sure if it was a sunburn he was sporting or just a permanently applied blush from our conversation entering his auditory canal.  But, his face was red and he was laughing so hard that he stabbed himself numerous times with his new, very sharp needles.

Then, there is me, the Cranky Shop Girl.  The proud owner of this bawdy establishment.  It looks like I am going to have to do my knitting during the week and blogging during the knitting group evening so I don't forget the crazy things that happen.  That will make me really Cranky!

Now you know the cast of characters.  Keep watching for updates to our sit-com.

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